i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
