So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Never underestimate the power of titties
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
