dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
