Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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