So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
