Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
