I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
