my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
