don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
