omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
how drunk are you?
Several
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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