the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize