Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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