he puts the penis in happiness.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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