a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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