Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
