Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
