Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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