Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
