my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
