When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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