If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
