I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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