I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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