we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
