I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
