Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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