My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize