so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
