lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
