Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
