you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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