i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
