oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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