Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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