Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
