he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
