My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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