Pants 0. Shit 1.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
