And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
