Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
