I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
