nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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