Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
organizing the empties. That sober.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
