batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
