I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
