He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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