this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
