in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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