I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
