I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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