Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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