i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
