I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize