Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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