so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
