I can tuck mytits in my pants
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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