u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
