Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
