I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
