Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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