Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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