I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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