you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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