Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
